I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
