i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
