Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
