We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
