just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
