it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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