somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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