Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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