i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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