I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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