we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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