you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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