Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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