Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
