so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
