It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
