so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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