Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
