Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
