Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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