Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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