the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
