I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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