I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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