How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
