So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
