Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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