you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize