I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
