OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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