why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
