we made out on top of his cat.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Randomize