the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
