cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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