Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think I am morally bankrupt
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
