Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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