She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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