just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
