there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
