Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
