Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
