he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
