I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
