I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
