I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
