??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
