her vagine was all disorganized.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize