I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
