found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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