I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
