Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
