This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
