so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
