I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
