I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
