Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
