Just cropdusted the office
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
