Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
