He disabled his match.com account in front of me
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize