standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
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