Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
