dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
