I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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