the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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