Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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