Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
