Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
