i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You ruined the universe
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
