am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
