so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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