you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
this is an emotional support booty call
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize