Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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